Missing it all...

So I've officially moved back to Charlotte. Wow...this seems so surreal and I still think at times that I'm only here for the weekend and that I'll soon be packing up and going back to Greenville. Then reality hits me like a ton of bricks and I realize that my life there is over and it's time to start a new one here. I've moved in with my sister and her other roommate and don't get me wrong, I love it! I have wanted nothing less then to move back to Charlotte, but now that I'm here for good I want nothing more then to be back in Greenville with my girls! I know that we've all dispersed but that doesn't seem to make it any easier. I see my sister and her roommate and it only reminds me of the times my roommates and I had. Dinners, life talks, car rides, singing, etc. I know that this will get easier but right now it's super hard. 4 years ago I wanted to come home for good. I wanted to move back and go to UNCC but I didn't because something or someone told me to just stick it out and I did. Best choice of my life and now it hurts knowing that that chapter there is really over and I have to start anew. I'm not sad to be back, but I'm lost...where do I go, what do I do, who do I do it with...the list could go on. I want things to be like they were in Greenville and that's not going to happen. I know starting my internship will keep me pre-occupied but for the time being I'm very quiet, lonely, looking for my place, and trying to fit in to this new life that I'm trying to make. I feel like a circle piece of a puzzle made for a square piece. I know God has me in Charlotte for a reason. I prayed for Charlotte and one day I'll hopefully find the answer as to why I am back here. Why we all had to leave Gville...but until then I will try to be happy and continuously asking God to help me through because I know that He will-he has a plan and I am open to see what's ahead.

Miss you grandma

Well yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my grandmother's death...I can't believe that it has been an entire year. I miss her like crazy and it seems like more more and more as the days go by. I miss going to visit her at The Regency, I miss wheeling her into her room and picking her outfits out for the week w/her jewlery. I miss going to Wine and cheese on Friday's w/her and my grandpa. I miss her yelling at my uncle and I when we aggravate each other (or her) during family dinners. I miss her smell, her soft, gentle hands. I miss combing her soft, fluffy, white hair and painting her ever so long fingernails. I miss going home and her asking me how school is, whether she really wanted to know or not, I miss her asking me what was new and how my love life was. I just miss her! She was so strong, even when she felt so weak. She taught me so much in life whether she knows it or not. Getting together w/the family is not the same anymore and there is always something missing and it's her...I know that she is with us and watching down from heaven, but it doesn't always make the missing her part any easier. The day we had to say goodbye was probably the hardeset day of my life so far and it will forever be engraved in my mind. Looking at the casket during the wake knowing that she was in there, wishing this was a dream, wanting to yell out that they can't close her in there, that they can't bury her, nothing...why? because I'm not ready, because it can't be real-but I had to realize that I wasn't sleeping and this was reality and it was my grandmother's time to gain her angel wings and fly to heaven to be with her mother and father again! I miss you grandma and I love you!